Free Rebecca Gayheart!

I was not going to watch the Eric Dane “sex tape.”  I really wasn’t.  I made it an hour and a half.  Then I googled it.  A moment later I was watching it on gawker.  That’s the kind of thing you can count on gawker for – posting celebrity sex tapes.  For those of you who aren’t refreshing TMZ every five minutes (and you are fantastic), I am talking about a tape featuring Eric Dane of Grey’s Anatomy, his wife Rebecca Gayheart, and a former Miss Teen USA named Kari Ann Peniche, in a naked, addled haze.  There’s no actual sex.  And they are all claiming that they were, you know, just hanging out, like people do sometimes, naked, with friends.  I don’t hang out naked with my friends.  But if I spent as much time dieting and working out as these people clearly do, I might. 

Naturally, there is a lot of eye rolling today about celebrities and their blind spot when it comes to filming themselves in compromising positions.  Maybe not a good idea?  But, having reviewed the tape, I can tell you these people have more to be embarrassed about than the fact that they are naked.  They are tools.  All three of them.  Just dumb as stumps.  Sure, they are not sober.  They are very, very not sober.  So not sober that blinking is a major operation, requiring full concentration and taking a full five seconds to complete.  But still.  Take some time to write some dialog, people. 

I guess the celebrities with the brains to come off well on a naked bender have the brains to stay the hell away from video recorders (and former Miss Teen USAs).

I will give Kari Ann Peniche this: she has a nice bathtub.